Bear Facts 3


November 15, 2013 by briantshock

It’s Friday, so it’s time once again for more Bear Facts. If you haven’t picked up on this by now, there are always going to be things you need to learn about bears. You need to be prepared for this. You never know when you’ll be faced down by one of these majestic creatures who will only let you live if you can recite the odd or suspiciously opinionated sounding fact about their species. That might happen, you never know; after all, these animals are very cunning and could figure out a way.


We are sending the wrong message to children when we give them cuddly little stuffed bears. We are telling them that bears want to snuggle with you. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. In any case, teddy bears are still pretty popular, and have been nearly a century, but many people do not know that they get their name from Teddy Roosevelt.

The story goes that Roosevelt was out on a bear hunting trip in 1902 where a group of other hunters in his troop cornered a black bear and clubbed the crap out of him. This sounds like quite a work of fiction already because I don’t understand how some guys could ever overcome a bear like that but I digress. They tied the bear to a tree and told Roosevelt to shoot it, but Teddy refused, saying it was unsportsmanlike. The Washington Post made a political cartoon of this event, and a toy maker created a stuffed bear cub and called it “Teddy’s Bear”. Speaking of black bears…


Great news for this species of bear; terrible news for those of us in the western hemisphere that wish to live peaceful lives free of the constant threat of mortal danger. The most common species of bear in the world is the American Black Bear. Don’t worry though, these guys are mostly eating vegetation and bugs, but will also live up to stereotypes and forage for honey and fish. Black bears try to avoid confronting us pathetic humans and attacks are primarily driven by hunger, so I guess just throw a bunch of bugs at one if you see it drooling at you, licking its bear lips and picturing you as a giant bug. I don’t actually know if that will work, please don’t try anything you read here.

Also, not all black bears are black, wiseguy; most of the bears around Washington state and Yosemite National park are brown or blonde. In fact, the kermode bear (Ursus americanus kermodei), or “Spirit Bear”, is a subspecies of the black bear that has a 1 in 10 chance of being white or cream-colored.

A white black bear; what sense does that make?


This is a terrifying fact brought to my attention by Collin, owner and proprietor of Underrated Movie, Actually, a blog that reviews bad (excuse me, “classic”) movies, or something. Anyway, thanks Collin; not for that blog, but for this pure nightmare material you made me privy to.

The short-faced bear, or bulldog bear, is an extinct genus of bear that hung out around North America about three million years ago until around 11,000 years ago. Also known as the “Arctodus”, a name that even sounds completely badass, this thing was yooge. 

Look at this thing! This shadow man is screwed.

The largest of these guys recorded was a little over a ton, making it truly terrifying. Here’s one more scary tid-bit for you guys; scientists are still in some disagreement about this, but many believe that arctodus were strictly carnivores and needed about 35 pounds a day to survive. That’s a lot of Brontosaurus Burgers!

I never thought I’d say this about a bear, but thankfully this thing is extinct. I don’t see how the human race could still be around if we had to worry about Arctodus. I’m sure we would all be forced to stand united against this threat though. We’ll find out when some super genius brings one of these guys in from the past. I think I’ve just written the next Syfy original movie.

Got any interesting or cool bear facts or stories? Leave them in the comments below!


2 thoughts on “Bear Facts 3

  1. grimfell says:

    I would very much like to see a Syfy original movie about a giant bear. It is somewhat shocking that it doesn’t exist.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: